"If you asked me, where did I get that bravery from to be this open? I would honestly tell you that I have absolutely no idea."
Ever since my articles about my mental illness got published, some of you have actually asked whether I was scared or afraid of the negative impacts that I might receive. Funny thing is that I would smile and say, “hey, it is for a good cause.”
But, truthfully, deep down… I am VERY TERRIFIED.
What am I terrified of? Well, the stigma that people have are still strong and it is nearly impossible for just me and my articles alone to change their mind.
I am indeed worried that maybe my career in future will be impacted since there is a chance that my new employer would know that I have mental illness through my articles and would use that as an excuse not to hire me. Maybe my colleagues would look at me differently too, and probably would not want to be close.
I am also worried that people will be afraid to have me as a friend because they fear that other people might consider them as weird or something for being friends with someone with mental illness or other people might think that they have a mental illness too since they can click with me. So, the best choice they have is to avoid me, because the only person they will hurt is just me and most importantly, not them.
I am definitely worried that it will impact my romantic relationship with a guy because I am not sure whether a guy would accept me. Why would he want to choose a girl with such a defect when there are still so many other single girls out there. There is even a chance that I might find a guy who would accept me but his family, especially his parents might not. So, there will be a barrier on my romantic relationship part of life. I guess, this is where the power of love is put into test. If you asked me, is it so bad to be single? Well, I can tell you that, it is not a bad thing to be single. I have even thought of adopting a child when I am more financially stable alone. However, I would really prefer to have a loyal human companion for the rest of my life. Someone I could come home to. Someone I could start a family with. The feeling is different, I guess?
Am I worried that I will be a disappointment? Well, yes. Somehow it just feels like if you have a mental illness, you will be forever a disappointment, right? I guess that is why most people would keep their illness as a secret. Trust me, I had that thought too and had been contemplating whether I should be this open about it.
I will be lying to you if I told you that it was easy for me to say “yes” to publishing my articles. It was not easy at all. If you think that seeking treatments or professional help, take a lot of courage (It actually is, so kudos to you for taking that first step. YOU ARE AWESOME!), well, I think being this open about having this mental illness is a whole new level of courage and bravery. I still cannot believe that I had such a courage to do so. If you asked me, where did I get that bravery from to be this open? I would honestly tell you that I have absolutely no idea. Maybe the determination to remove this stigma is so strong that I was willing to take that chance, make that sacrifice in hopes that people would be more open to mental illness and to stop the discrimination towards us, but I am secretly terrified….
Anyways, what is out is out. From the bottom of heart, I really pray and hope that people would be more open about mental illness and learn to accept it. Remember folks, there are different levels of mental illness, be it minor or major, and there are also different mental illnesses, so not every person with a mental illness has the same illness, like I have MDD, but the other person might just have an eating disorder.
But what I can guarantee you is that not all of us are harmful to you or the society. Most of us are probably like me, whereby the only person that we want to hurt is ourselves. All we need is more love in the world and acceptance. We are all humans after all, why not be kind to each other? Why all the hate and drama, when you can choose to have peace?
I truly pray and hope that people could remove this mental illness stigma and start to accept that mental illness is not something to be afraid of. That way, people will be more open about it and most importantly, they will not be afraid of seeking for HELP.
Remember, removing this stigma starts from YOU. Accepting that mental illness is curable and normal is a great move! Trust me, with this act, YOU CAN SAVE A LIFE!
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