“At some point or once it’s done teaching you, all the pain is going to end, right?”
On a Wednesday a few weeks ago, I reached out to a friend of mine, Scotty, just to ask him how he was doing (I took Tom Kuegler’s advice). Safe to say, Scotty was pleasantly surprised, and a little weirded out.
We ended up having coffee at one of the coziest cafes in town.
Scotty and I go all the way back to primary school. At that time, we were hi and bye type of friends. It was only when we entered middle school that we really got to know each other better and hung out after class.
Then one morning, our teacher broke the news to us that Scotty’s mom was convicted of murder. This news took aback most of us in the class, especially when some of us have been to his house and met his mom.
Of course, we, ‘the gang’, tried our best to be there for him and help if there’s anything he needs. But despite our efforts, Scotty just seemed extremely distant and none of us has had a proper chat with him for years since that incident.
All we knew was that he was having a tough time and his father wasn’t doing well, either. We all felt sorry and wished we could do more, but we were just 11-year-old kids so we aren’t much of any help either.
For the next few years, our group sort of fizzled out, and each went on to do their own thing (whatever that means).
Back to 2021, it was very enlightening having the chance to chat with somebody whose story had a gigantic plot twist. Because of what Scotty went through, life has forced a different perspective on him.
And I thought I’d share it with you guys.
1. Life goes on.
As much as I hated what went down and wished for a different mother back then, that’s just not how it works. I hated it with all my might and all my energy went towards raging over the world. Sometimes, there’d be jealousy; sometimes, I’d be quite cruel; sometimes, I’d be extremely rude and disrespectful; and sometimes, I even wished things weren’t as easy for others.
But after spending my teenage years with all of those negative thoughts, I got really tired.
One day, when I took an extremely long shower, and I realized, nothing has changed. Nothing had gotten better. My reward for being a jerk to everybody around me, even to those who genuinely wanted to help, was just so that I get an excuse to not care about anything. But the reality was, regardless of what happened, life goes on, and I was missing out.
Your mother was ripped from you? Life goes on.
You feel like everything in life is just going against you? Life goes on.
Your favorite tv series didn’t live up to your expectations? Life goes on.
You put too much salt into your soup? Life goes on.
You got rejected from the job that you really want? Life goes on.
You *he points to me, put on braces and had to get 3 teeth extracted? Life goes on.
You closed your first $100,000 deal? Life goes on.
You’re happy? Sad? Scared? Disgusted? Surprised? Life goes on.
You got scammed $5,000 because the person on the call sounded like your friend who was in deep trouble, somebody hit your car and ran away, and your girlfriend who you’ve been with for the past 4 years broke up with you over text all in the same week? Life goes on.
One moment, you clench your fists and jaw so hard you hurt yourself, the next, you’re on your bathroom floor trembling and hyperventilating, feeling like gravity is thrice as effective on you, swearing the walls move, have a lump in your throat, two streams down your face, quivering upper lips, a hollow deep in your chest, seeing black and white even when all the lights are on, fingertips curled up at the back of your head, and only to go through all of these again when you realize you have one more chair than you need in the kitchen? Well, guess what?
Life goes on.
It’s all temporary, for better or worse, whether we like it or not. That’s out of our control and no point fighting it. Just know that it’s not gonna stay like this forever.”
To me, that’s what life is all about.
Human lives are as if a roller coaster was drunk.
That may even mean things will get harder and heavier before they get better. Maybe even accepting that there is no arrival where we can disembark the sad train and hop on a happy train.
I know for a fact that every single person on earth is going through something. So, whatever that is, take consolation that it will pass. And if it’s really unbearable, just get through the day. Buy yourself a little more time.
Give it just one more day.
2. Hope is courage
“Life will go on, but you gotta also hope for the best. Because that’s what’s worth living for — a better tomorrow.
For the longest time, I was scared. Losing someone who is arguably your entire world kinda makes you scared of wanting something more. To the point where I was actively making sure that I don’t hope for anything good.
But what’s clearer to me now than ever is that it only tells me I wanted something more.
And then I had this thought: “At some point or once it’s done teaching you, all the pain is going to end, right?”
Little did I know that was the moment my life pivoted and became better.”
The shadow of hope
“I’ve come to realise that fear is just a byproduct of hope. Deep down, I knew I wanted and hoped for more, and the fear was that it might not come true.
So, if you wanna know if you’re hoping for more, ask yourself if you’re scared.”
At times, we’re going to feel hopeless. Like everything we do just ends up with nothing. We put in so much effort and nobody even notices anything.
I’m with you on this.
It’s just so goddamn tempting to throw in the towel and just decide that it’s not worth it to hold on any longer. We hope for so much but our reward is just getting let down over and over again. I mean, does it ever stop?
The brutal answer is no.
But hope is a little more than that. Hope is when you believe there is always a light at the end of the tunnel despite the seemingly endless twists and turns when riding that drunk roller coaster. That no matter how bleak things may seem, one day, we’ll find ourselves trying to catch a breath from too much laughter and all of it will make sense then.
The big things
Hope is spending an hour researching about a company just to find out the HR manager’s name and another 3 hours writing your cover letter and submitting it to a LinkedIn job ad with 600 other applicants after getting rejected from your dream company.
Hope is staying single and dancing with yourself to Christmas tunes in July because you want to be available when that perfect person comes into your life.
Hope is baring your heart and soul, and risking getting judged by others but still deciding to share your story because it might let other know they’re not alone.
The medium things
Hope is when you first talk to your crush and since then, you can’t stop dreaming about going to Iceland with them and falling asleep watching the aurora.
Hope is making dinner for your family and waiting to hear your dad say “When are you gonna cook again?”
Hope is going to five different malls looking for that one special candle because you know that’s your partner’s favorite scent and it’s super rare.
The little things
Hope is when you grow your apple tree in your backyard and water it every day so that you’ll get the sweetest and crispiest fruit right before winter.
Hope is patiently waiting for the next Stranger Things to come out and expecting it to take you on a journey.
Hope is doing 10 sit-ups in the morning and checking yourself out in the mirror after.
Hoping will be the hardest when things aren’t going the greatest.
Hoping is having faith that things that are out of your control will fall into place at the perfect time while checking the boxes that are in your control.
Just because we’re hoping for something, even the outlandish ones, it doesn’t mean we’re naïve or disassociated with real life. It simply means that we have enough courage to face reality even if it doesn’t happen. Hoping is, in many ways, choosing to be vulnerable.
Scotty: “Without hope for a better world to get us out of our beds, we’d probably still be sleeping in caves and throwing stones at each other. Even if what you hope for is selfish, don’t be ashamed of that. We all want to be happier and eat sushi every day. That’s what hope is all about.”
Here’s to hoping that I can inspire 100 of you to fight for a future that you believe in, have the courage to follow your heart and hold on to whatever gives you hope.
Sometimes, it’s funny how life has its ways. If anybody had told me these things when I was younger, I wouldn’t have understood what it meant. I am not a religious person, but I do believe that we’re all here for a reason and everything happens at the right time. When that time comes, everything will make sense. All the pain, the scars, the trauma, and the despair will have played their role. But until then, in the depths of our pain and anguish, we just have to be patient and hold on just a little longer.
This story was inspired by Jordan Gross's 5 Life Lessons Told Over 5 Glasses of Wine from a 99-Year Old Filled With Regret.
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