"I am turning 24 this year, and I’ve been single my entire life. Here’s the thing. Growing up, there isn’t a real pressure among my peers to be attached".
Perhaps that’s why being in a romantic relationship has never been a priority for me. But that doesn’t change the fact that peers around me have been in and out of relationship throughout the years, while I’m not. I’ve definitely pondered over the question as to why I have never been in a relationship before.
Perhaps I was more goal focused? Academically or career driven? Or, I just was not satisfied with myself to be going out and being in a relationship with someone else.
As years go by, I’ve grown used to being by myself. And I am completely okay being on my own. But there are also times where I really want to share my experience with someone.
“It’s just not your time yet”
“You’ll find someone”
I’ve heard plenty of these; told myself plenty of these too.
And I’m tired.
There are days where I feel great being single and independent. Where I feel so content and so ready to take on the world. But there are also moments like today, where all I feel are emptiness. The thought that you have no one to come home to. Just alone where I have no one to go to.
That sucks.
Don’t get me wrong, I have amazing friends, and I sometimes really do enjoy times by myself. The calmness, the tranquility. But. Some days are lonelier. And it’s hard to feel alone.
Oh yes, I am aware, being in a relationship doesn’t change or define who I am as a person. And I know that I’ll be okay. That I will find my person eventually.
But for how long? How long do I have to keep reminding myself this?
I’ve heard plenty of advice, saying to work on yourself. To better yourself so you can be ‘the one’ for someone out there, while you’re searching for ‘the one’ for yourself. And I believe in that. Of course, there are also people are saying that I have to learn my way around loneliness.
Be comfortable with loneliness.
I understand all that. But I’ve never even gotten a chance to know what it feels like to be in a
relationship. Having someone that understands you, to have someone to come home to and share about your day; I feel that this is important. And I am excited to be understood.
Well now. I do not wish to end this piece on a bitter note. What I realized talking to a bunch of people and friends is that there really isn’t a shortcut to these. I’d much rather be in one strong and long-lasting relationship than rushing into one. And there really is no point forcing a relationship for the sake of having one. Being single does not mean that you’re alone. Don’t wallow in self-pity, instead, go out, reclaim your time. Take up hobbies. Get good at what interests you. Keep working towards your goals and trust that things will fall into place at the right time.
But for now, I’m not putting pressure in finding a relationship. But I am looking forward to have one.
I am hopeful, still.
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